"The lesson [Henry David Thoreau] had taught himself, and which he tried to teach others, was summed up in the one word 'Simplify.' That meant simplify the outward circumstances of your life, simplify your needs and your ambitions; learn to delight in the simple pleasures which the world of Nature affords. It meant also, scorn public opinion, refuse to accept the common definitions of success, refuse to be moved by the judgment of others. And unlike most who advocate such attitudes, he put them into practice." (Walden and Other Writings by Henry David Thoreau--Edited and with an Introduction by Joseph Wood Krutch, Bantam Books, 1962, P. 1)

Thursday, February 28, 2008

My Satisfying, Solitary Life

For those who have been wondering, here is what my life is like currently. I am quite content. I have found it necessary to trim my life down to essential functions. Having done so, I feel happy with it. The only problem--or is it a problem?--is that my life is quite different from the lives of most people.

I scarcely leave my house. I try very hard to walk in the afternoons with my husband. I love his company and it is a good feeling to be out in nature, but it is very hard to get out the door. I continue to struggle with balance in this. Every week my husband takes me grocery shopping. We go to a small store with which I am very familiar, and, since he is with me, I enjoy the trip. It feels good to take care of the food needs of my family. Every week I consider attending church, but I become unhealthfully anxious just thinking about it, and I stay home. Recently I was able to take the Holy Sacrament in my home, and I wept for the tender mercies of the Lord. I hope that, while I continue to be ill, I can take the blessed bread and water at home with some regularity.

Visits from non-family members tend to make me feel anxious and frightened, but I love to be surrounded by family. Holding a baby is most therapeutic, and there is nothing I like better than a happy two-year-old. I love visiting with sons and daughters and I absolutely cherish time with my husband. Life doesn't get much better than sitting on the couch with him eating warm chocolate pudding as we watch a classic old movie.

My daily routine is to feast on the scriptures and to quilt, quilt, quilt. I am going to make some quilts to sell so that I can afford better to buy the beautiful fabric I so love. Creativity is healing. I feel good when I am making quilts. I buy the things I need online, with an occasional trip to a local store--accompanied by my husband--to buy thread when I run out.

I have been counseled by my psychologist to keep my life simple and to avoid stress as much as I can, as it makes me ill to be in anxiety-producing situations. He said to me one day, "You don't have to do anything." It felt to me as if my loving Heavenly Father was speaking directly to me through this kind and wise man. The Lord knows the desires of my heart. I have felt his approval and love again and again through this solitary time. I feel it is right to just go with it for now, even though it is different than the lives led by others.
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