A Visit from the Black Dog

This is a photograph of Doctors Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey, who wrote the book Delivered from Distraction from which I am going to quote today. I wish I could tell you about myself from within myself, but I find they describe what I am experiencing far better than I can. I have these passages bookmarked so that I can reread them in times such as this.

From pages 288-89:

If there is such a thing as "the ADD condition," there certainly is this dark side to it, at least for most adults who have ADD. . . It is composed of pessimism, frustration, moments of despair, surges of self-contempt as well as baseless rage at others, unpredictability, lapses into addictive behaviors and substance abuse, ongoing struggles to get organized, feelings of being ineffectual and feckless no matter how successful the person becomes, and periods of being remote, cut off, and impossible to reach.
Dealing with this dark side is like dealing with your teeth and gums. You must work on it every day--brush and floss and rinse--but not be surprised if inflammation still sets in. I realize that this is a homely comparison, even vulgar. I intend it that way. It is best to approach this dark side in as practical and irreverent a way as possible.
All the tips and principles of treatment that have been mentioned in this book apply here. But a few deserve special emphasis:

. . . Above all, make sure you have an ally--spouse, friend, doctor, therapist, hairdresser, anybody!--who knows you well enough to point out to you what's good about you and your life when you start to feel in the grip of what's bad. This is crucial. People with ADD typically lack the ability to reassure themselves. They quickly get overwhelmed by feelings of frustration, pessimism, and all the rest. The need some trusted ally, someone who really loves them for who they are, so they can turn to that person and get a shot of encouragement when they need it.

. . . Don't be surprised when you get visits from what Winston Churchill called "the black dog." Expect that you will go through dark, depressed periods. Don't feel that all is lost when this happens. Just connect with someone else. Get help.

. . . When you feel that all else has failed, when you feel that nothing will help, when you feel that everything is bad and that there is no hope, you are wrong. Don't listen to yourself. You are in the grip of a poisonous state of mind. Get yourself into the company of another person, or get someone on the telephone, or watch mindless TV to distract yourself. Just don't believe what you are telling yourself. It is all subjective. It will change. Give it time.


So today, I am concentrating hard on not listening to myself.
I am "in the grip of a poisonous state of mind."
I know this will pass. It always has before. I just need some time.

Thanks for trying to understand.